My third birth was different in many ways from my previous two. It was the first pregnancy I went through with a partner by my side from day one. I had done my first two pregnancies alone, even though during my second pregnancy I was in a relationship with the father of my boys but he was still abroad until a week before my due date. 

My favorite Hypnobirthing session may be unit 3. In this unit we do a lot of deepenings. It’s like this session takes it up another level. The scripts are longer, there are more visualisations, more time to practice to go in and out of a deeply relaxed state.

Last night I was a part of an event hosted by Najell for pregnant people here in Malmö. Bethany who I known since I was pregnant with my seven year old was who suggested I be a part of this event. I didn’t know what to expect, but I like trying new things.

Before I had a c-section birth myself I think my idea of c-section births was quite disrespectful. I didn’t fully understand why they happened and how many emotions they could stir up postnatally. I had worked in the delivery ward as an assistant nurse and I had worked as a nurse in the neonatal ward, I had attended many c-sections. Some very dramatic ones and others not very dramatic. 

I first shared this birth story on my Instagram over a year ago. I decided to remove it and post it here instead. I wish I could have brought the comments with me to this blog post, but I could not. Thank you for reading it! I have also edited the post a bit since then.

On March 4th I started another Hypnobirthing group course at Ayurvediskt center. It’s the first course in person of the year so I was very excited. I love teaching Hypnobirthing and learn something new each course. I love the groups that are super engaged and ask a lot of questions. The first session is always a bit more quiet, but over the five weeks we spend together the most groups open up and share so much of themselves.

I kind of went on an unplanned break from the blog in February as my kids and I went on vacation to Cape Town. The best way to get through winter is to take a break from it and experience summer. We did a lot, had great weather and a great time. We saw friends and family, did touristy things and spent time together. I love spending time with my kids (even though half was though I thought I had enough, but then it got easier again). I think if I was married to someone with a good income I would have home schooled my children (not in Sweden though, it’ illegal). I love my kids’ personalities and watching them grow into these great humans. I hope when I’m dead and gone they will think back to all the fun things we have done together and appreciate that their mom wanted to be with them. 

I’ve been told I’m strong many, many times in my life. It used to be something I strived for. I wanted to be strong, independent and get things done by myself. And I did, I faced a lot of struggles and problems by myself, I figured a lot of things out by myself and I’ve carried a lot of furniture up and down stairs on my own. 

In a therapy session recently I said to my therapist “I don’t  feel like I’m progressing.” And she looked at me and said “But you are progressing.”

That sent me back to a memory of attending births. How many times have I not supported someone through labor who says “Nothing is happening!” Or “This baby is never coming!” And with certainty I always say: “The baby is coming.” Because pregnancies always end with the baby coming out, sooner or later, in one way or the other. 

A while back I put together a video on my YouTube channel answering some of my most common questions about Hypnobirthing.

In the video you will get these questions answered:

• What is Hypnobirthing?

• When should you take a course/start? 

• Do you have to bring a support person to class? 

• Do Midwives in the delivery ward know about Hypnobirthing? 

• Can you use Hypnobirthing regardless of the birth you have? 

• Do you have to be pregnant with your first child? 

• I am at the end of pregnancy, is it too late to start?

On Saturday she hosted a Cacao Circle. We were only six women, but it was perfect. She had brought this big chunk of cacao that she cut and melted in a pot, mixed with water, honey and chili and let us all be a part in cooking. This cacao came from a friend of hers in the Andes that grows the cacao and harvests it, makes it into bars and chocolate bars. It felt so special to get to taste this specific cacao, to know it’s origin. How often do we not ingest something without knowing where it comes from. Raquel told us about the cacao, what it can be used for, what we should consider when buying cacao, etc. 

Reading is one of my favourite things to do, if you follow me on Instagram this is not a surprise. I usually have one to three books going simultaneously. My kids know when I take a bath I will be in the for a while with a book. So I have decided I will add book reviews to the blog! I mostly read books that fall into the self help genre, but also a lot of books that focus on topics related to pregnancy and birth, so you can expect a mix of that. And then maybe the occasional fictional novel, we will see.

One thing I have always loved is stories. I grew up with my mom either telling me a story or reading me a story at bedtime. When I was old enough to read myself I used to read to myself at night. I have always been a reader, in some periods more in others less. I love novels that cover several protagonists simultaneously and then sometimes they overlap, sometimes not. 

As 2024 started my theme for the year was “A year of flow and ease”. My 2024 was the total opposite of that. What I have told myself a lot in 2024 is “release and let go.” So as we move into this new year I wonder if I even want to have a theme for this year. I don’t like new years resolutions, but I like setting intentions.

As the year is coming to and end I am taking a few weeks off from social media and be more present with my children. But I wanted to end the year with a post reflecting on the year that has passed. When I grew up NYE was my favorite holiday, saying bye to the old and getting ready for the new felt so exciting to me. I love beginnings, I love starting new things, going to new places, etc. I love the new and ever changing.

In less than two days you guys helped me raise 5000kr for the fee I need to pay when applying for ethical approval to start the study I am going to do for my Master's Degree in Reproductive and Perinatal Health at the University of Gothenburg. This study will explore Afro-Swedish women's experiences of racism within Swedish maternal healthcare, an issue that remains largely invisible but has significant consequences for the health and well-being of Black women in Sweden.

One thing that stood out to me was something the teacher said during the history lesson. They were talking about the vikings and she said that during those times women frequently died during childbirth. “This is why we give birth i hospitals now and almost no one dies during childbirth.” I sat there and thought that it’s way more complex than that, but that was obviously not what the class was focusing on.  

“I am looking for a black Doula.” Is something I have been told several times over the last couple of years. As the stats from countries like the UK and the USA show us that being Black and giving birth comes with an array of risks that doesn't affect their non-Black counterparts. In the UK theres a 3-4 fold risk of dying in connections to pregnancy if you are black. These numbers are jarring. We don't have the same stats in Sweden, luckily. Our maternal death rate is low, but we are also a very small population. We however can see in our stats that being born in  Sub-Saharan Africa poses increased risks for negative perinatal outcomes. I will write more in depth about this another time. But the reason I mention this is because what do these people have in common? Being Black. 

I was reading Emilia Bergmark-Jimenez’s book (if you haven’t seen it, get it!) where she wrote about the first birth she attended. It made me think of the first birth I attended and how it’s still so clear in my memory. One of my then very close friends had found out she was pregnant and was embarking on her journey into parenthood alone, just as I had almost two years earlier. I’m not sure how or when we decided I would support her through birth, but we did. Back then I was not a Midwife or a Doula, I was just a mom with one child who during my own pregnancy had read a lot of pregnancy books and decided I wanted to become a Midwife in the future.