the first birth
I was reading Emilia Bergmark-Jimenez’s book (if you haven’t seen it, get it!) where she wrote about the first birth she attended. It made me think of the first birth I attended and how it’s still so clear in my memory. One of my then very close friends had found out she was pregnant and was embarking on her journey into parenthood alone, just as I had almost two years earlier. I’m not sure how or when we decided I would support her through birth, but we did. Back then I was not a Midwife or a Doula, I was just a mom with one child who during my own pregnancy had read a lot of pregnancy books and decided I wanted to become a Midwife in the future.
When my friend went into labor I left my daughter with my parents and went to another town a train ride away to be with my friend. Her contractions had begun and we decided to go to the hospital about a 45 minute drive away. Her mother and I were her support team. I’m not sure how long we were at the hospital but they determined she was in the early stages of labor and sent her home. I remember clearly how the Midwife used a Pinard’s stethoscope to listen to the baby’s heartbeat and I asked if I could try. My friend said it was okay. So I listened. I can’t remember what I heard, but I remember saying I heard the baby’s heartbeat.
Photo by Rebecca Gustafsson
A couple of hours after we had returned to my friend’s home her water broke and we returned to the hospital. Her contractions were more intense but they still thought it was early labor and gave us a room in the postnatal ward to rest in. After a while my friend needed more pain relief so they suggested she take a shower. That moment was like magic to me. She went from having to stop and breathe each contraction to getting in the shower and with the relief of the hot water being able to talk through her contractions. This is when I realised how powerful warm water can be to relieve pain. After a while she got to sit in the bathtub for a while. I have no sense of time, but I know for most of her labor her mom was very close, holding her hand and hugging her. I was a bit further away but each contraction I was there, reminding her to breathe, encouraging her with my words.
When I was pregnant with my first child my sister, who was my support person, and I went to a birth prep class where a birth educator explained birth. She said birth is like a boxing match and the support person is like the coach. During the contractions the support person is on the side cheering the person in labor on from the side lines. And during the breaks that person does what a coach does in between rounds: wipes sweat off their forehead, gives them water and a pep talk before the next round. I got this analogy even though I am not a big boxing fan. So as I supported my friend during labor I had this in the back of my mind.
And when the baby was born I sat in a position so I saw him come out, with one big push he came out. I still remember that clearly. It was almost like his little body flew out into the world. He was placed on my friend’s chest and right then and there she was a mom.
Afterwards we were given a room to sleep in. I slept for an hour or two and then woke up to find my friend sitting in the dark, wide awake holding her newborn. She hadn’t slept. So I told her to sleep, and I took the baby. I remember how I carried him through the quiet hospital corridor, held him with one hand as I went to the bathroom, and then sat with him in a rocking chair as he slept in my arms. It was so natural as I had done the same thing just a few years before with my own child. What a privilege it was to get those moments with that little one. So special.
This birth showed me that I belonged at births. I remember feeling that it felt right, everything. How I observed things during the birth as it progressed, how I felt comfortable in the room, how I asked questions that my friend couldn’t. It really made it clear to me that I wanted to become a Midwife, that the pull I felt towards the profession made sense.
I sometimes wonder if I wasn’t invited to my friend’s birth if things would have been different. Would I have become a Nurse? A Doula? A Midwife? I don’t know. But I know that that birth changed me, and taught me so much about the strength of my friend, and the strength of women.
