the story

One thing I have always loved is stories. I grew up with my mom either telling me a story or reading me a story at bedtime. When I was old enough to read myself I used to read to myself at night. I have always been a reader, in some periods more in others less. I love novels that cover several protagonists simultaneously and then sometimes they overlap, sometimes not. 

I sometimes ask myself why I chose a profession where I have to meet new people all the time. I’m a typical introvert who needs alone time to recharge, too much socializing leaves me incredibly drained. So why did I chose to work with something that at times is incredibly draining? I think part of it is the stories. I love meeting new people and experiencing new things. My job in health care has let me meet lots of people I would have never met if I worked with something else. I meet people that are extremely different from me and others that are very alike. What I often think about is their stories. Why are they reacting the way they are? Humans are complex and we carry a lot under the surface. There is trauma, abuse, grief, shame, etc. and all these emotions can surface during pregnancy, both and beyond. When we don’t know the people we are caring for it’s hard to know what is hiding under the surface and affect how they perceive the care I want to give. Not everything is written in the patient chart. More than once I have cared for someone thinking “There’s something here, but I don’t know what.” It can show up as a stalled birth or a seemingly passive approach to breastfeeding. I rarely ask if there’s something I should know when I work in the hospital because I don’t know exactly what to ask.

But when I have home birth couples or Doula couples we create a relationship and I always ask something like “Is there anything in the past that could affect your labor?” It can be things related to birth; miscarriage, abortion, sexual abuse, a bad experience at a previous birth. But it can also me any other form of trauma; abuse, mental health issues, previous experiences in health care or with any perceived authority, etc. Once that relationship is established people are usually very open and upfront with their “baggage” and when I know about that I can help them work through it if it comes up in the future in birth or postpartum.

You never know what people carry with them. We all have different levels of trauma and experiences that have shaped our reality. I sometimes walk outside looking at people thinking that I see so many faces, but I know nothing about what they are going through. Someone may be grieving a loss of a loved one. Another person may have just found out they have a health condition they need to deal with. Someone else is excited to be pregnant after trying to conceive for years. There are as many stories as there are people, all unique and yet most of them are experiences someone else carries as well. This is what I like about humans, our stories. This is why I do what I do.