family traditions
My parents came from traumatic family dynamics, I think they grew up in survival mode more than anything else. They also both immigrated to Sweden and don't have any extended family here. I don't know if they wanted kids, or I do know. My mother has told me several times she didn't want kids, but then her "biological clock" set in and she decided to have me. I think that in those unconscious choices of becoming parents they didn't consider what kind of parents they wanted to be or what they wanted to give their children in terms of things like traditions. So when I was young there was a lack of tradition in my home. My mother, who is not Swedish, tried to bring me to the local midsummer celebration, but as it's none of my parent's culture it always felt forced, so midsummer is nothing I have continued to celebrate. Both my parents grew up with Christianity as their religion but somewhere down the line decided to abandon it, this in turn meant that they did not want to celebrate Christmas. Growing up I didn't have a family Christmas tree or any traditions connected to Christmas. Christmas eve was to me one of the most boring days of the year, all my friends were busy celebrating with their families, there was nothing fun on TV and I had already gotten my "Winter gifts" as my mom calls them on her birthday December 23rd.
The one tradition that my mother did give me was looking for Easter eggs all around the house on Easter Sunday. I, like any other kid, loved candy, so I loved this tradition. And even though I don't celebrate Easter greatly it's a tradition that I have continued with my own children. It's fun to watch them discover eggs that they have missed and open them to see what is hidden inside.
As I didn't have a Christmas tradition I have created my own. They all get advent calendars, and in the last couple of years a magic door has appeared on December 1st with letters from Santa's Helper, a little elf sent by Santa to keep an extra eye on the kids on the days leading up to Christmas. Even though they are getting older they seem to really like this. Then Santa drops off gifts on the night of Christmas eve, so on Christmas eve they wake up to gifts under the tree and unwrap their gifts. Together with the kids I decide what we want to eat for Christmas and make a little more fancy dinner and dessert than usual, we don't eat traditional Swedish Christmas food.
Growing up with very few traditions made me jealous of my friends that had such a strong sense of tradition, but mostly a strong sense of family. I think this is why it has been so important to me to give my kids traditions. It gives them a sense of belonging, security because each year is the same and it's something to look forward to.
One tradition that my parents did celebrate was birthdays. I still love birthdays, and love celebrating birthdays. Of course when I was young it was about the gifts, now that I am a parent it's more about celebrating my children, telling them their birth stories, celebrating having them in my life. I also like celebrating my own birthday because it's a way to reflect on the year that has passed and look forward to all that is to come in the year ahead.
I have also created some made up traditions with my kids. When school ends for summer we go out for lunch. I started this with my daughter and realized that it became something she looked forward to, so now we do it with the boys as well. We also have a tradition that started about three or four years ago that we make a strawberry cake when summer vacation begins. It's interesting how these things have just grown organically as something we did once and since the kids liked it they requested the same the following year so we have continued. Maybe over time more traditions will appear and evolve. I am looking forward to seeing how this changes in our family as it grows and evolves.
Which traditions did you grow up with? Which traditions have you created with your kids?
