SHOWING UP FOR YOUR KIDS
For me becoming a parent was something I had given a lot of thought before I dove into it. Even though I had my daughter pretty young (you can read her birth story here) I had thought a lot about what kind of parent I wanted to be. For most of us when we grow up lacking something in childhood we want to make sure our kids don’t lack that same thing. I have and still give a lot to my kids, emotionally, physically and spiritually. But I often forget to focus in on the things I have succeeded with and instead focus on where I’ve fallen short. I’m not perfect, but I put a lot of pressure on myself as a parent, I know this.
I have to remind myself that I raised a whole human and that my 18 year old daughter is a great human being. I have to remind myself of all the things I have succeeded in like teaching three children to ride a bike or to travel across the world on my own with my kids (missed flight and 6 delays included). I don’t give myself enough credit. And I don’t think this is a “me thing” I think it’s a common “mom thing”. We give, we sacrifice, we show up, again and again. For most things we won’t receive thank yous or even acknowledgement, but we do it anyway.
At my son’s preschool they have a tradition that the kids starting school in the fall get a gym bag that the parents sew for them. when summer break starts. My older son has one, so I wanted my younger son to also have one. I got the ball rolling on this project and 4-8 moms met up several evenings this spring to make it happen. Not a single dad volunteered to do this. And we all get sewing lessons in primary school in Sweden, so it’s not the lack of skills. Not all moms felt comfortable sewing, but everyone chipped in. And we did it, for our kids. Our babies will never understand the hours we spent making these gym bags for them, they may never say thank you, but we did it anyway.
So much of parenting is just like this: doing everything but expecting nothing. It’s what our parents did for us to some extent and now we pay it forward. The love is not in the “I love you” that you tell your kids, it’s in how you show up, both how you are present and how you sacrifice for them. They are young for a short period of their lives and then they grow up, fly the coop and may not need you anymore. So it’s worth showing up now, loving them now, pouring in to them now. This is what will make them good humans once they venture out into the world.
